Lockdown Food - no.1

 

The Iceberg theory by Gerald Locklin


 

all the food critics hate iceberg lettuce.

you’d think romaine was descended from

Orpheus’ laurel wreath,

you’d think raw spinach had all the nutritional

benefits attributed to it by Popeye,

not to mention aesthetic subtleties worthy of

Verlaine and Debussy

they’ll even salivate over chopped red cabbage

just to disparage poor old mr iceberg lettuce

 

 

I guess the problem is

it’s just too common for them.

it doesn’t matter that it tastes good,

has a satisfying crunchy texture,

holds its freshness,

and has crevices for the dressing,

whereas the darker, leafier varieties

are often bitter, gritty and flat.

it just isn’t different enough, and

it’s too goddamn American.

 

of course a critic has to criticise:

a critic has to have something to say.

perhaps that’s why literary critics

purport to find interesting

so much contemporary poetry

that just bores the shit out of me.

 

at any rate, I really enjoy a salad

with plenty of chunky iceberg lettuce.

the more the merrier,

drenched in an italian or Roquefort dressing

and the poems I enjoy are those that I don’t have

to pretend that I’m enjoying

 

 

 

 

 

Song To Onions by Roy Blount Jr

 

 

They improve everything, pork chops to soup,

And not only that but each onion’s a group.

 

Peel back the skin, delve into tissue

And see how an onion has been blessed with issue.

 

Every layer produces an ovum.

You’d think you’ve got three then you find you’ve got fovum

 

Onion on on-

Ion on onion they run,

Each but the smallest one some onion’s mother:

And onion comprises a half a dozen other.

 

In sum then an onion you could say is less

Than the sum of its parts.

But then I like things that more are than profess-

In food and in the arts.

 

Things pungent, not tony.

I’ll take Damon Runyon

Over Antonioni –

Who if an i wanders becomes Anti- onion.

I’m anti baloney.

Although a baloney sandwich would

Right now, with onions be right good.

 

And so would sliced onions,

Chewed with cheese,

Or onions chopped and sprinkled

Over black-eyed peas

 

Black-eyed

grey-gravied

absorbent of essences

eaten on New Years Eve

peas.

 

 

 

 

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